sad day in the north

   After a long anticipated wait, finally a Dunstan has made the journey to the 49th state and it could not have come at a better time: my mom was able to witness the first snow in Fairbanks, Alaska and she was here to celebrate my birthday.  Two big milestones that  nobody should celebrate (or cringe) solo.  Only my mom can help organize my house so that I truly have a workout room, help me move large furniture, be my  DD on my birthday night and celebrate with friends from work and have fun at classy establishments like the Boatel, hike 15 miles and see Granite Tors, cook home cooked meals that I can freeze for the long cold winter ahead, take a knitting 101 class with me and show me that she is a knitting whiz, bake boo cookies that we were able to send to Pete, help me decorate my house for fall.   It was a busy, fun week where I am reminded that I have the most amazing family and mom in the world.  Gatsby and I took my mom to the airport last night for the 0130 flight and it was a grave reminder that being in Fairbanks I am more than just a  hop, skip, and jump away.  I am multiple long and tiring flights away from the people I love, and that stinks.  On top of that my mother in-law had knee surgery today (it was arthroscopic and a quick surgery, but still a surgery...) and just another reminder that I am far away and not able to be there for the people who love me most.  While I like Alaska and I have made some great friends here, being this far away is hard, and having my mom leave is another  reminder.  Gatsby and I are going to have a lazy day and feel thankful that we have a wonderful family, and count the days until Thanksgiving when I can be reunited with my family in Dallas, and be one step closer to January and R&R with Pete. 

New Job

  So one of the things that I think will help this year be successful is to be busy, therefore I have started another job: Flight Nursing.  I am currently working for Warbelows Air Ambulance as one of their flight nurses ( I just wrote my bio. so it should be up shortly on the website).  I have always wanted to do flight nursing because there is something very appealing to an adrenaline junkie who always wants the sickest of sick patients to actually be the first responder.   While I lived in D.C. I  considered  doing flight nursing however the thought of being in a helicopter was slightly terrifying, luckily since Alaska is such a massive state it is not possible to use helicopters, only fixed wing planes.  Perfect.  I have done about two months of training where I have been focusing on the first responder roll (i.e intubations, chest tubes, cricoidotomy, etc...) and it is official, yours truly will be flying to remote Alaska in order to provide medical care.  So far it has been a lot of fun and I have definitely been able to see many different parts of Alaska that I am certain I would be unable to see otherwise.  Most of the remote native villages are not accessible by roads and it truly is a life changing experience to fly into a village where the children flock to the plane just to get a chance to see white people.  It is definitely helping me pass the time and it is also helping me see this massive state that I now call home.  I am excited to be able to offer my skills to these wonderful people and to be able to extend my knowledge in nursing as well.  Feeling hopeful that this will help the winter pass a little quicker!

Here are some pics. that I have taken:

Here I am ready to go, and yes I have to wear a flight suit...


My close up view of the pilots:

Not a bad view:

heading south

  Tonight after work Gatsby and I had our dinner outside on our patio and I must admit, that it got us both a little depressed.  Overhead all of the geese that we were so excited to see last spring are officially heading south for the winter.  There were at least 10 different 'flying V's' of  about 30 birds heading south all honking to let us know that Alaska has been fun, but they aren't that crazy to stick around for the winter.  Gatsby and I both looked at each other realizing that the long winter is coming, and that even the birds are smart enough to get out of town.  Every morning it is a little bit colder and I am sad to say that it I have officially started driving to work rather than bike because of the frost on the ground...it is chilly!  It is going to be a long winter and I must admit that morale is a little low thinking about the dark and the cold.  I just keep telling myself that this can be done and it will be done.  Wishing I was a bird and able to fly south and head to Boston for the winter. 

Reflections after a quarter of the way

    I have made it to my first big milestone since Pete's deployment: I am officially a quarter of the way there.  It is hard to believe that it has already been three months since Pete left, and at the same time, it is hard to believe that I still have 75% of the deployment left to go.  While I wish that I could say that time has flown by I can honestly say that it hasn't.  A year is a long time to be away from your best friend/husband and that fact won't change but I can say that I am learning how to handle this new lifestyle that I have no choice to lead.  I still get sad when I come home to an empty home, or when I make a nice dinner and have nobody to share it with, or when I something crazy happens at work and all I want to do is tell Pete all about it, or to have someone to kiss goodnight.  These are the times when it is hardest but I have come to realize these things will continue throughout this year and I have accepted that fact.  It is okay to be sad, it is okay to miss my husband however it is not okay to waste a year of my life and not be happy.  I have learned that it is possible to miss someone with everything that I am and still be okay.  In fact, I am better than okay, I am loved and blessed and that won't change no matter how far away Pete is or how long we are apart.  My family and friends have been incredible and have shown me that they are going through this year with me, not just as bystanders.  I have a job that I enjoy, I have really wonderful coworkers that I adore working with, I have been able to stay busy and explore this massive state of Alaska.  I have built a life here that I have done pretty much solo, none of my coworkers have met Pete but they have extended their friendship to me and made me realize that I am able to bring happiness to others even when they don't know the most important thing about me.   This might not seem that enlightening to most people however three months ago I had serious doubts about how I was going to get through this year without friends and family close by.  I can now say that I am doing it, day by day, week by week, and I am making the most out of this time.  I have gained confidence in my ability to meet others. While a quarter of the way may not seem like much, to me it is a tremendous milestone and I am that much closer to having my best friend safe and home with his family.

WEIO!

   This week Fairbanks hosted the World Eskimo Indian Olympics (WEIO).  I had no idea what to expect however when I read that games consist of events like the ear pull, high kick, fish cutting contest, greased pull walk, seal skinning contest, and greased neck pull I quickly realized that this is an event that I probably should check out.  I went on both Thursday and Friday and was able to witness the high kick contest, the ear pull, and that native baby regalia.

First, the high kick contest, not the traditional high kicking that I thought of (and have witnessed Pete and his friends do at bars). This is essentially a modified yoga pose where they have to kick a ball in the air without falling.  Each round the ball is raised higher and the winner this year kicked a ball that was over 8ft in the air!

Valdez

   Now that I am officially done with all of my traveling to the lower 48 for the rest of the summer I can focus on having more 'Northern Exposures' and make more blog entries.  While my vacations were much needed and a nice break from the remoteness of Fairbanks, I am ready to enjoy the rest of the summer in Alaska.
    So, I decided  that I would drive south to Valdez and do some exploring and I can now say that Valdez is my favorite place in Alaska so far.  These are some of the views during the seven hour drive:

This is a Mom and her baby moose!

There isn't much to the town itself in terms of shopping or eating but the scenery is incredible and I was able to check out some of the Alaskan wildlife.  Currently salmon fishing is the thing to do in Alaska, these crazy fish swim upstream ridiculously fast currents in order to spawn.  I was well aware that this is what salmon do but I had no clue just how strong the currents are.  By the time that I saw the fish a lot of them were bloody and pretty mutilated but they were still working on getting upstream.  I can now say that salmon are my new favorite fish, what hard workers they are!

It might be hard to see the fish in this picture but there were literally thousands of them, so many that you could literally just put your hand in the water and grab one if you were so inclined (since Pete is the one in the family responsible for cleaning the fish I decided to leave the fish alone and wait until next summer to stock up on salmon...).  There is a limit that you can only catch six salmon per person, per day.  These poor fish work so hard to swim and then there are people that just snatch them up.  Humans aren't the only things they have to worry about, because there are so many salmon the bears don't have to work very hard to get their food either:

The harbor in Valdez is beautiful as well, this is definitely a fishing town with tons of boats and I can't wait for next summer to finally get out on the water and take in the views from the water

  This was our first solo camping trip (Gatsby and I) and I would say it was a success!  It was nice to get out of Fairbanks and explore a little and start planning all of the things that I want to do when Pete gets home next summer.  I have decided that this is going to be the year of scenic pictures and pictures of Gatsby since most of the things that I have been doing I have been solo and don't have a way to actually be in any of the pictures (this isn't a poor me comment, it is more of a 'I can't wait for Pete to get home so I can have someone to take pictures of again' comment).  Alaska in the summer is incredible and you really can't beat the scenery, the temperature, and the atmosphere.  My goal is to make Alaska sound so incredible so that next year we will have lots of visitors!  I mean who doesn't want to see a bear eating salmon?

Today I miss having you to go camping with, people look at me like I am completely insane when I say that I am going camping solo....also you are the planner/packer and you definitely would have remembered the aerobed!

Where to begin

  As described in my last blog the months of May and June have been extremely busy with traveling.  Once I got home from the Boston/D.C. trip I worked 7 nights in a row and then left for Guadalajara for my best friends wedding (no, not like the romantic comedy from 1997).   It was a wonderful event and despite being sleep deprived and having anxiety about leaving Gatsby behind for the first time since moving to Alaska I had an incredible 3.5 days spending time with Ashley and her wonderful family.  While it was a very quick trip I had a incredible time exploring the town of Tequila, Mexico and exploring places like the Jose Cuervo distillery.  Remembering when Ashley and I would talk about our wedding days when we were in high school I was so thankful that I was able to spend her special day by her side.  I am lucky to have the most amazing and beautiful best friend both inside and out.

Alright now after the wedding of course I had to work the next three days but that meant that I was off for one of the busiest weekends in Fairbanks: the summer solstice festival!  The festivities began on Saturday night with the midnight sun run, a 10k that begins at 10:30pm at night that takes you on a tour through neighborhoods and you feel like you are running through massive block parties, live bands included. It was quite an experience to see so many people out to celebrate the longest day of the year and the costumes that people ran in.  I know next year Pete will not let me run in traditional running gear since he has such a love for costumes but I am glad that I was able to get my first run out of the way blending in!  Here are some pics from the

There were bumblebees

Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head!

And then there was Andrea and I at the end!

It was a fun race and good for me to know that I am not too old to be able run 6.4 miles without any training (however next year I think it will be better the next day if I do actually run a little before the race!).
The next day there was the midnight sun festival where there is every type of food you can imagine being sold on the street, and vendors trying their best to sell goods. Live bands played on three different stages from noon to midnight.

It was nice to see so many people out and about enjoying all of this beautiful daylight.  Overall I am glad that I got out and took part in all of the festivities this weekend.  Was it a life changing experience?  Definitely not and it was almost bittersweet celebrating the longest day of the year knowing that in six months I will be enduring the shortest day of the year.
   I have a few activities planned in the next few days, work, and then next Thursday I leave for my final trip out of Alaska for the summer to North Carolina for family beach week.  I am extremely lucky that I have been able to do all of this traveling and that my job has been so unbelievably flexible with my schedule.  Feeling very blessed that I have been fortunate enough to spend time with Ashley for her wedding, that I am healthy and able to run in races like the midnight sun run, that I get to go on family vacation in just over a week, and that I don't ever have to worry about where my next meal will come from.  Life is good, but life will be great in April 2012 when I have my husband home to experience all of these things with me.

Today I miss having you make fun of me while I watch DVR's of shows like the Bachelorette :)

Wild Art Walk

   Today was the day that I have been looking forward to ever since Pete and I first heard about this event: the creamers field wild art walk.  It is an annual event where local artists set up booths and you can walk from tent to tent trying to locate your next prized possession.  Despite the fact that it looked like it was going to start pouring rain at any moment, it did not disappoint. 

  I left with a print that I adore (and am already thinking that I should have gotten a painting that I saw but wasn't ready to commit...) and had a great time walking around with Savannah looking at the different styles of art.  The majority of the art was nature themed, understandable considering where we live.  After the art walk Savannah and I officially dropped off our registration packets for the Midnight Sun 10k on June 18th, a race that begins at 10pm and finishes before midnight to celebrate the summer solstice when we truly have 24 hours of daylight.  Summer is alive and flourishing here in Fairbanks, it is time to enjoy it.


Today I miss looking at artwork with you and having you give me that extra little nudge convincing me to buy something so that I don't go home and have regrets and helping me decide where to hang things.

Back from vacation

  I have taken a long hiatus from the blog because Gatsby and I went on vacation: our first trip home since moving to Alaska.  We started our trip by going to Boston to visit my family.  There is something about being at home (even though I have never actually lived there since my parents moved there about four years ago) but my room still has the same furniture from when I was growing up and it makes it feel like home.  There is something really nice about having my mom cook the dinners that I love and making me breakfast in the morning.  One would think that at the age of 27 and being fully capable of doing all these things on my own this wouldn't be such a treat, but it is.  Gatsby and I had an incredible week filled with shopping, lots and lots of shopping, a trip to Maine, and even a Red Sox game.  It is always sad to say goodbye to my family but knowing that I will see them again in a short month for our annual trip to Figure Eight Island made it a little easier.
    After our week in Boston, Gatsby and I then boarded a plane to Washington D.C. where despite the fact they lost my luggage for 36 hours I was able enjoy some time with old friends from work, enjoy a drive down to Charlottesville to see my Grandpa, attend a wedding of one of Pete's best friends, and spend time with my in-laws.  It was a busy six days where I felt like I had to cram as much in as possible because I'm not sure when I will be making my way back to the nations capital.
     The night of Dan and Erin's wedding was definitely one of the hardest days since Pete has been gone, knowing that I am surrounded by all of his closest friends and family and knowing how much Pete wants to be there and instead is working long days and stressed out in Afghanistan, it just didn't seem fair.  Despite my attempts to make him feel like he was there by video taping as much as possible there was an obvious void that was felt by all.  Flying home to Alaska after an incredible two weeks of spending time with friends and family I would be lying if I said that I didn't think "what am I doing living so far away for this year?".  While Alaska is beautiful and there are a lot of things to see and do, it is lacking the comfort of being surrounded by the people who love me the most and the happiness that brings.  However, I made a commitment to my work that I would stay for a year and I still feel like it is important to follow through with that commitment even though Gatsby and I are both so homesick it hurts.  I guess this is the downfall of going away for so long.  So while I have been in sort of a 'blah' mood since returning I am reminding myself that prior to this trip I was happy and excited about this wonderful adventure and I can get that same enthusiasm back.  Thank you everyone who made my trip so special, I am lucky to have the greatest family and friends that anyone could ask for.  I am working 7 days in a row then leave on Wednesday for Guadalajara for Ashley and Fadi's wedding, and two weeks after that I will be leaving for a relaxing week at the beach with my family.  In between these trips there are a lot of things that I am looking forward to in Alaska: the art walk at Creamers Field is tomorrow (Pete and I heard about this during the winter and have been excited about it since!), the midnight sun 10k is June 18th, and I have started a book club with some of the wives that I have met and the first meeting is at my house on June 24th.  Not to mention my plans to go fishing and white water rafting with friends from work in July, this will be a busy summer and keeping busy will be key for making this year a success.  So while the mood is still blah, it is an optimistic blah knowing I have a lot of things to look forward to.

Today I miss playing racquetball with you and goofing off in the rubber rooms as if they are soundproof, when actually they are not and people think we are crazy. 

Leaving on a jetplane

  Tonight Gatsby and I leave for our two week vacation home to Boston to see my family and then head to Washington D.C. for Dan and Erin's wedding where I will see my in-laws and I am so excited I can hardly take it!  This will be the first time to head home since moving to Alaska and it couldn't have come at a better time.  After working the last three nights and getting the first terrifying email that 3 soldiers from Pete's brigade were killed on Monday by an I.E.D I am ready to get away from Fairbanks and be around the people that I love most, relax, and enjoy some pampering.  Adios Fairbanks, hello east coast, civilization, Target, and Chipotle!



Today I miss having Pete to travel with and his shoulder for me to sleep on during flights.

A pretty nice little Saturday

  Yesterday Gatsby and I had the pleasure of joining the Marzo and Clark family on a hike to Angel Rock, a trail that is about an hour outside of town.  The weather was perfect: 60 degrees, sunny, not a cloud in the sky, and I had a desire to get out and see Alaska now that most of it is thawed out.  There were a lot of other people that had the same idea so we did not have to worry about bears because of all of the activity and people making noise much louder than our little bear bells (we even saw a wedding party hiking because someone was getting married by the Angel Rocks, it doesn't get much more Alaskan than that!).  I'm glad that I had some company  for my inaugural Alaskan hike so I know that in the future this is definitely a hike I can do solo (with my bear bells and spray) because the trails are nicely groomed.  While I had an awesome time I don't think anybody had more fun than Gatsby, who had his favorite outdoor day in Alaska, complete with swimming!  Here are a few pics. of the day:

Gatsby leading the way, looking out for wildlife

Mitch being a tough guy and carrying both children, Lucy and Zoey

Gatsby and I taking our family picture at the top

The Marzo/Clark Clan

Goodbye arctic winter, hello arctic summer!  So glad that you arrived!

No longer frozen, the mighty Chena river is flowing.  The views don't get much better.

Gatsby loves mud and water.

Hiking back to the car, what a tough group!!

No Alaskan hike is complete without a moose sighting!  Hello Mr. Moose, when will your antlers grow back?

 After getting cleaned up from the hike I decided to join some co-workers out for their birthday celebration at the Blue Loon a local hole in the wall type bar that hosts concerts, comedians, and also plays movies during the week.  Last night there was a band called 'Sweating Honey' and it was like someone lifted up a rock and everyone came out to see this band play. All of these people that were stuck inside all winter long decided to come out and let loose and have some fun.   People from the age of 21-75 were there, many in sundresses and sandles dancing and enjoying the night.  This is my first time to be out in Fairbanks in the 'summer' and it is odd that at 10pm when the band started the doors to outside were open streaming in bright light so no lights had to be on.  Even driving home at 11:30 at night the sun was still  above the hills. This is a fun time in Fairbanks, there is an energy and excitement about all of the activities and things to do that is contagious.   I am hopefully this energy will continue through October and tire me out for another long winter.


Pete today I miss your Sunday morning breakfast burritos and reading the paper with you while we plan out our Sunday activities. Love you.

Creamer's Field

  One of the best things about our house in Fairbanks is that it is only a 7 minute walk to Creamer's field-a migratory waterfowl refuge.  During the  winter it is a place to go dog mushing, snowshoeing, or cross country ski but this spring I have learned that it's primary purpose is something much more incredible: come spring it becomes a place where literally thousands of different species of birds come to migrate for the summer and nest  -mom: Murphy and Gatsby would have a blast chasing birds here when you guys make the trip and if you would be willing to let him off the leash !  A true sign that spring is officially here is the thousands of birds that are already here. 

I realize that this picture doesn't look all that impressive, (I should have taken more of the entire field knowing that this would turn into a blog, however I didn't think of it at that time, I guess this makes me an amateur blogger...) but trust me, when you live so close to this refuge, you can actually hear all of these birds as they fly overhead towards their summer home.  Another thing that I have learned to love about Fairbanks: the noisy birds that live a few blocks from my house for the summer.  Some even sound like seagulls and make me think for a split second that I am living in a coastal town instead of the completely land locked gem of a town called Fairbanks.  Here are a few other pics for your viewing pleasure:

And here is a link to the refuge if you are so inclined: Creamer's Field.


I have decided that with each blog post I am going to mention something that I miss about Pete as part of my daily therapy :)

Today I miss having someone to go on walks with to cool places like Creamer's field after dinner.  Love you.

Okay Alaska, it is just you and me.

   After a long and distracting three days of work I finally have my first day off since D-Day (and it isn't really a 'true' day off because I worked last night 7p-7a so half the day was spent sleeping...) and the weirdness of a Pete-less house is a truly sinking in.   For the next year it is up to me and only me to make the most of my time in this beautiful state, hence why I feel like it is just me and the 49th state for the next year.  Okay, me and the other 698,703 that call this state home- this is crazy and refreshing to me considering I just moved from the Washington D.C. metro area where the population is 8,440,617.  In my attempts to become more 'Alaskan' I have started riding my bike to work (okay, and it cost  $75.00 to fill up my jeep the other day so that is also my other motivation...).  Even when it is -30 you see people commuting on the bikes and there are wonderful bike trails that I am able to use making the commute a breeze, no pun intended.  This has been a nice change giving me time to get some exercise even on days when I work and gives me time to unwind after a long and stressful shift.  This morning might have been my favorite ride home: at 7:30am on a Sunday when there were very few people driving and a lot of people biking or walking just trying to enjoy this beautiful weather.  I have made a goal for myself that through October my only mode of transportation to work will be my lovely bike.  This might be a little ambitious but I think I can make it through October without having to deal with snow!  It is a beautiful life and this is a beautiful state and while my heart actually hurts and I start developing what might be the closest thing to a panic attack that I have ever experienced when I think about not having Pete here for an entire year and him being in a war zone, I am determined to get out there and make the most of my time in Alaska. 

    

when it rains, it pours

  Until today I did not realize that I have not yet seen it rain in Fairbanks.  Sort of weird considering that I have been an Alaskan resident for the past five months and we are full throttle into the whole 'April showers bring May flowers' thing.  I have loved all the sunshine and brightness that spring in Fairbanks has to offer (the sun isn't setting until after 11pm each night!!) after such a long, cold, and dark winter.  This morning Pete and I couldn't help but think that it is appropriate that our first rainy Alaskan day is today, D-Day (Departure Day).   The weather worked well with the mood: somber, tearful, and mopey.
     We said goodbye in the car because I can't imagine anything worse than being surrounded by about 300 soldiers' sobbing wives and children just waiting for a bus to come take their loved one away to Eilson Air Force base north of town.  I  am so unbelievably proud of the work that Pete is going to do over the course of the next year,  I keep telling myself that I need to keep my chin up and be 'Army strong' and focus on the good that he is doing, but I decided that attitude can wait until tomorrow, and today I can cry.  Today I can feel sorry for myself, his friends and family who will miss him dearly, feel sorry for poor Gatsby who can't figure out why I am so sad and where his dad is, feel sorry that I am not going to have him home for our one year wedding anniversary, feel sad that I am going to be living in Alaska for the next year isolated from friends and family (this one is my own doing, but today I am allowed to be sad...), feel sad for the things that Pete is going to see and have to deal with over there that I won't be able to make better or help, feel said that I am missing out on an entire year of fun and adventure with my best friend.
        Today, I am just going to be sad.  I am going to get the courage to go upstairs tonight and get into bed and open the letter he wrote me before he left, and not stress about the amount of tears that I might cry.  Today, I am allowed to have today.
       Tomorrow, I am going to wake up for work and focus on the positives: in January I will get to see Pete for a two week tropical vacation (I know what January in Fairbanks is like and trust me, this will be much needed), I will think of how incredible it will feel one year from now to be able to finally relax, not have my phone truly attached to my hip, take a big sigh of relief and know that we made it and have the best reunion ever.  I will think about how we have been talking that summer of 2012 will be a good time to start a family (!!!) and I will think about how many wonderful things we have to look forward to.  
    But that is tomorrow.  Today, I am just going to be sad. 

Thank you for all the well wishes and support everyone has given to both Pete and I.  We love you all.

Hoppy Easter!

  Happy Easter to all.  Today was a perfect day (minus the part when Pete got his truck stuck in a ditch  and we had to get towed out by a neighbor...).

We started our day taking a family walk:

We then headed to one of my coworkers house  for an Easter lunch where Sandy and her daughter in law Melody were busy doing some arts and crafts before our arrival:

We then watched Ken grill delicious moose meat (traditional Alaskan Easter fare...)

 Then ate a delicious homemade meal

Complete with dessert:

After all of the food we played a game of Cranium and then headed over to a going away party
 for Pete hosted by some of his old coworkers at the hospital. 

  Today was a wonderful day where it is clear that during our short time here in Alaska, Pete has made some wonderful friends who will miss him dearly. 

But who wouldn't miss a face so sweet?  Here's to Easter 2012 when Pete will be home sweet home where the Easter Bunny will definitely be able to find him. 

Pride.

  Now that I am well into the final week before Pete leaves it is safe to say that my thoughts and feelings are all over the place.  As you know by my last post, fear has dominated much of my emotions however the past 24 hours I am surprised to say that the emotion that has been most prevalent is pride.  Wednesday night we had three people over for dinner, all of whom are getting deployed-one as early as today and the other two on Sunday, yes, Easter Sunday.  Two of the boys we had over are single officers, one of which graduated from West Point.  The other person is a doctor getting deployed with the 24th ID from Ft. Lewis outside of Seattle.  He is getting deployed on Friday and left his wife and child back home so he is here in Alaska alone and does not have anyone to give him a hug and say goodbye to.  We had a wonderful night of food and wine and I must admit that listening to everyone talk, it made me feel so proud to have them over and feed them a final 'home cooked meal' before they leave.  They are such  well educated, well spoken, caring individuals and this is the Army that not a lot of people know about.  Most people assume that everyone is rough, tough, and only care about firing weapons however I am proud to say that there is also a large group of military men and women who see this as a job to truly do some good for others.  As we said goodnight to everyone and I gave them the momma bear hug telling them to be safe and that we will do this again in one year, it made me realize that they are just like Pete and they are able to do so much good for both the soldiers deploying and the people in Afghanistan.
    The next morning Pete and I went to the one and only pre-deployment briefing which was held at a church on base.  The pews were packed with soldiers and wives and I couldn't help but look around and realize that a lot of the people preparing to leave are just kids.  Truly 18, 19, and 20 year old kids who are about to leave their families for a year because the military is the best and only option that they have.  They have been trained to do specific tasks and they are fully prepared for this deployment.  They looked strong, healthy, capable and my pride in our country has never been stronger.  And then I think about Pete:  he is responsible for keeping these young men (I say men because he is deploying with an infantry where women are not allowed) healthy over the next year, keeping them alive if something happens during missions, and helping the people Afghanistan receive basic health care.  Pride does not even begin to explain what I feel for Pete.  He is intelligent, strong, capable, and I truly can't imagine anyone more perfect for this job.  So while it is easy to let the fear take over right now I am doing my best to focus on the pride I feel for Pete, the gentleman we had over for dinner, and all the men that I sat next to during the pre-deployment briefing.

Fear.

  My last Pete update was that he will not be leaving until mid May.  That was until last week when the powers that be decided that April 26th was a better day.  Considering the fact that the date has changed about 10 times I didn't think much of it until Pete started getting more and more information that Tuesday is D-Day, Departure Day. 

Eight Days.

192 hours. 

Most people that I meet or know up here have commented that they can't believe how well I am doing and how strong I seem but here is a little secret: it is easy to live in denial when every time you think something is going to happen the Army changes its mind.  It has been easy to think that a year long deployment isn't really going to happen-he is a Doctor, won't he be much better use in a clinic rather than on a battlefield?  Every other doctor that we know in the military that is currently deployed or is scheduled to be deployed soon has only a six month deployment, how did we get so lucky to have a deployment twice as long? 

Denial has been a wonderful thing, until now when there is a sense of pure panic realizing that time really is winding down.  Going to Sams Club to stock up on goods for Pete to take with him and having to constantly remind ourselves that I will be able to send care packages so if there is something that we forget, it will be okay.  The holes currently in our ceiling from the pipe change and new ceiling lights suddenly need to be fixed in the next couple of days or else there is a good chance that I will go the next year with three large holes above the breakfast nook (which I am actually okay with, a little reminder of my handy husband and how much I need him around!).  We are doing the final loads of laundry and I gave Pete a deadline of Tuesday at midnight to be all packed so that we don't have to be running around crazy during his last week.  I am finding out what his final meal requests are to make sure that I can fill him up with good home cooked meals.

This is really happening.  Pete will really be gone for a year, and that is terrifying.

I work today and tomorrow  noon to midnight and hopefully I  can shake this feeling if impending doom, the largest pit I've ever had in my stomach, this constant anxious feeling that I could receive a phone call saying that the date has moved even earlier, and just be at peace with it all.  To relax and enjoy this last week with my sweet husband without this feeling of panic and fear is all that I ask.  A girl can always dream.  Here's to wishing this deployment wasn't really sinking in and that I could still be in denial.

True Alaskan

   Okay, I know what you are thinking, didn't I already write a blog about becoming a 'true Alaskan' when I failed then passed my Alaskan driving test?  The answer is yes,  but that is only because I have not had a day like Friday where I truly became, and felt like a 'true Alaskan'.  What could cause this feeling?  Getting Alaska license plates and purchasing my first firearm: a pistol. 
   First, I finally took the plunge after having one too many times where I felt self conscious of my poor driving abilities while having Virginia license plates  (you know what I am talking about, the same look you give people when you see that they have New Jersey or Pennsylvania plates...).  Something about having the same license plates and having everyone on the roads know that I am a 'local' even though I might cut you off or not yield on green, I am from here so give me a break.
    Second, after having one too many terrifying nights while Pete is gone hearing a noise or having Gatsby start barking and then I lay in bed terrified thinking about what I would do if someone was actually in my house and realizing that the closest thing I have to a weapon upstairs is a toothbrush and tweezers, I made the decision that I should get a firearm.  Weird, I know.  I have never wanted a gun before, and I always thought it was a little crazy to get something so dangerous but I have never lived in Alaska before, and I have never been faced with living by myself for the next year without any family or close friends nearby.  After a lot of thought and research Pete and I decided that a Ruger .357 magnum revolver would do the job ( I feel safer just writing this).  Essentially this is a pistol with nothing fancy and extremely easy to use.  I haven't actually shot the thing, that will be my next step.  While it will be a good self defense tool, it is also the smallest weapon that Gatsby and I can safely go walking on trails, and go berry picking with.  Apparently it is unsafe to go wandering from May to September without a large weapon due to the amount of bears and how aggressive they are up here.  When I said that I would be using this as a self defense weapon as well as a berry picking weapon I was told by multiple weapon salesmen that this is the smallest size that they would use (essentially making me realize that when I do go berry picking I need to have a friend come along with a larger weapon...).   Tomorrow Pete and I are going to the indoor shooting range so i can see exactly what it is like to shoot a gun and to hopefully be comfortable with it.  All that I want is to go to bed at night knowing it is in my bedside table so that over the next year if Gatsby wakes me up barking or if I hear a strange noise I can go  back to bed knowing that I can protect myself and not spend the next hour awake and terrified thinking of what I could use as a weapon if there was an intruder.  I'm sure that it will make Pete sleep a little easier at night as well knowing his wife and dog aren't completely defenseless up here in the great north.  Friday was a big day, and I think that the fact that I have Alaska license plates and a firearm will definitely give me  something to talk about with the other nurses at work.  Goodnight to all, sleep tight knowing yours truly is sleeping just a little bit safer. 

Transfer Station

   Today I had the pleasure of making my first trip to one of the many Fairbanks area transfer stations to drop off old laminate flooring, and let me tell you: it is such a great idea!  If any of the four people that read this are like me and don't know what a transfer station is, let me explain:  The majority of people who live in the Fairbanks area do not have trash pickup services (luckily where Pete and I live, Wednesday is our trash day) so they have developed these transfer stations, or dumpsters, so that people can drop off their trash.  When I say dumpsters that makes it sound like a really dirty and gross area but I was extremely impressed.  People just came, dumped their trash, and went on their way.  There were dumpsters specifically for recycling, household debris, contractor junk, and an area where you can put things that typically would go to a goodwill or salvation army and people can pick it up.  Truly taking advantage of the saying one mans junk is another mans treasure.  While I am glad that I have the luxury of having trash pickup, I am able to appreciate the way that most people get rid of their garbage here in Fairbanks.

Something that I love:

  Tonight as I was leaving work after an exceptionally busy 12 hours I was surprised that I was walking to my car in a twilight type dusk.   It was 10:27pm.  I am definitely not used to this and it is hard for me to imagine 3 months from now when Fairbanks truly turns into the land of the midnight sun.  Something about being able to see some light making its presence known from the other side of the hills was refreshing and it almost felt like it was 7pm.  While I am not sure how I will like 24 hours of daylight I know for certain that having the sun truly set around 10:30 pm is a wonderful thing.  Goodnight to all, another long shift tomorrow.

more snow?!

    Just when I was thinking that I made it through the longest winter of my life, today it started snowing.  I'm not  talking about a little bit of snow, but large golf ball sized snowflakes causing my drive home from the FRG meeting slow and painful.  I must admit that my heart actually hurts a little bit because it has been so beautiful, sunny, and warm (20's-30's is now feeling balmy...).  Aside from the sadness from the snow, I was able to witness the panic that all the military is experiencing knowing that there is a very real possibility that nobody will be getting paychecks until a deal is made by congress.  Luckily I do not work at the hospital on base and will receive a paycheck no matter what happens with this situation however this is a very scary time knowing that in 1995 there was a 90 day period where the government was not getting paid.  This means no commissary on base, limited health care provided, no daycare.  Essentially during my hour long FRG meeting I was able to feel the wave of panic that is slowly taking over Ft. Wainwright.   I feel terrible for the families that rely completely on military income to put food on the table and hope that an agreement can be made that is reasonable and cuts spending.  It is a scary time but if nothing else this just reinforces the need for a rainy day fund.  It will be a long 26 hours waiting to see how this plays out. 

Good news!

   The past week has been extremely busy-saying my schedule has been challenging would be an understatement (working 7p-7a, 12p-12a, and 10a-10p all in the same week has made me a little loopy) but our dear friend Mike Jones came up for the weekend to spend some time with Pete before he leaves and I must admit that I'm pretty sure that he brought some good Boston juju with him.  Despite the fact that we were extremely excited to take him to The Pump House whose claim to fame is being the northern most oyster bar and conveniently both Mike and Pete are oyster fanatics and they were all out of oysters and the fact that my schedule required me to work the majority of the time that he was here, yesterday before he left Pete found out that he will not be leaving until May 14th.  Yes, that is an entire month longer than the original schedule departure date and no that does not mean he has to stay a month longer.  Woohooo!  Here's to only an 11 month long deployment ;) (slight sarcasm here...).  Apparently there is a trauma course that Pete needs to take prior to deploying and the course next week that Pete was told he was going to is all filled so due to the disorganization of the Army, I get to have Pete for an extra month.  There is a calmness in our house knowing that our time together is longer than 14 days  Tonight we are having a couple over for dinner and we are excited to relax, celebrate the good news, and celebrate the long days in Fairbanks. 

Fairbanks Idol

   Sunday night while at work I was invited to my first work social event: the Karaoke finals held at the Pump House Restaurant where the lucky winner wins a tropical cruise.  Of course I am excited about this, I felt like I had made it and was in the circle where I will start getting invited to work functions!  I woke Pete up when I got home just to let him know that we have plans on Wednesday night to meet my co-workers, I'm sure this was a weight of his shoulders to know that I am starting to make friends at work since he is leaving in three weeks. 
   Fast forward to Wednesday night. We get ready and head over to the Pump House and we arrive to a completely packed parking lot (don't get the wrong impression-the bar is just one room and really isn't that large of a space).  We go inside and I start looking around expecting to see a big table full of people I work with that all stand up and get excited as soon as Pete and I walk in the door.  Nope, no big table of people.  Pete starts looking at me expectantly wanting to know where my co-workers are at and like the girl that got ditched by her prom date I sadly  report that nobody from work is here.  We grab a drink from the bar and Pete guides me over to  an area where some of his co-workers are at (convenient that of course he randomly shows up and there are about 6 people he knows...) so we spent the next two hours listening to the best singers in Fairbanks sing their hearts out to win the two cruise tickets with his co-workers who were all very nice and happy to have us join in on the fun.  By the end of the night I saw a total of three of my co-workers randomly dispersed around the bar so I guess I can't say that I was completely ditched, but it definitely was not what I thought I was getting invited to.  Hopefully I will get another invite to something where I won't have to rely on Pete's co-workers to save the day since in a few weeks I won't have him to fall back on.  Regardless, we had a lot of fun getting out of the house and listening to the talented singers of Fairbanks.  We left at 9:50 so we did not get to see the winner but I hope that the 80 year old gentleman who sang a wonderful version of Frank Sinatra's New York New York (with high kicks and all) won. 

Volunteering in the 'Banks

   Today I went to an hour long information session about  the American Red Cross and their role in disasters and it is official: I am now a nurse volunteer for their disaster response team (it was a very educational and motivational hour, luckily they were only trying to talk people into becoming a volunteer and not trying to get me to buy a timeshare or start selling makeup or jewelery...).

I will go through an 8 hour training on April 9th to learn about the paperwork and how they document the care that nurses and physicians provide and then it will be officially official that I can be part of a disaster response team and will respond to any disasters locally in Fairbanks (such as a flood, fire, avalanche, etc.), in the state of Alaska, and within the United States depending on the nature of the disaster.  Most importantly, after April 9th I will get a vest and name tag!  There will be multiple training sessions offered in the coming months so that I will feel like I know what the heck I am doing but this sounds like it will be a good way to spend some free time and actually be able to help people when they need it the most.  Apparently the Red Cross just opened an office in Fairbanks within the past year and has a total of four people working in it and only has 8 current volunteers, none of which are medical professionals.  Don't worry, I haven't gone completely off the deep end, they emphasized that I can be as involved as I please meaning that I won't be required to respond to every fire that happens in Fairbanks, or every natural disaster but if I happen to be available and able to help, it will be nice to know that I am prepared to offer some assistance.  It is good to know that during my three years in Fairbanks I can use my free time to do some good. 

Have an Ice Day

    Something that I can honestly say that I never thought that I would see is the world ice art championships. However, Fairbanks is the host to this event every March and it is the talk of the town so we thought that we would show off the best of Fairbanks to Pete's parents while they are in town.  We went twice-once during the day which we thought was pretty impressive

And then we decided to go back at night when everything is lit up with beautiful lights and I officially became amazed at how intricate and detailed these pieces of art are.

The championships started on March 1st and will be going on until the end of the month.  There are competitors from Russia, Mongolia, China, Japan, Sweden, and many other countries that fly to this small town in Alaska.  They actually get the ice from a pond located right next to the park and it is incredible how clear the ice is

  Surprisingly, most of the competitors have some sort of culinary background.  I am excited to come back next year to watch them actually create these pieces of art (a 'season pass' is only $25.00 for unlimited views!).  While here I think it will be important to take advantage of these opportunities so that one day I can think back to that one time when I attended the world ice art championships when I lived in Fairbanks, Alaska.

Here are a few more pictures for your viewing pleasure:

And Dad, this one if for you: