Until today I did not realize that I have not yet seen it rain in Fairbanks. Sort of weird considering that I have been an Alaskan resident for the past five months and we are full throttle into the whole 'April showers bring May flowers' thing. I have loved all the sunshine and brightness that spring in Fairbanks has to offer (the sun isn't setting until after 11pm each night!!) after such a long, cold, and dark winter. This morning Pete and I couldn't help but think that it is appropriate that our first rainy Alaskan day is today, D-Day (Departure Day). The weather worked well with the mood: somber, tearful, and mopey.
We said goodbye in the car because I can't imagine anything worse than being surrounded by about 300 soldiers' sobbing wives and children just waiting for a bus to come take their loved one away to Eilson Air Force base north of town. I am so unbelievably proud of the work that Pete is going to do over the course of the next year, I keep telling myself that I need to keep my chin up and be 'Army strong' and focus on the good that he is doing, but I decided that attitude can wait until tomorrow, and today I can cry. Today I can feel sorry for myself, his friends and family who will miss him dearly, feel sorry for poor Gatsby who can't figure out why I am so sad and where his dad is, feel sorry that I am not going to have him home for our one year wedding anniversary, feel sad that I am going to be living in Alaska for the next year isolated from friends and family (this one is my own doing, but today I am allowed to be sad...), feel sad for the things that Pete is going to see and have to deal with over there that I won't be able to make better or help, feel said that I am missing out on an entire year of fun and adventure with my best friend.
Today, I am just going to be sad. I am going to get the courage to go upstairs tonight and get into bed and open the letter he wrote me before he left, and not stress about the amount of tears that I might cry. Today, I am allowed to have today.
Tomorrow, I am going to wake up for work and focus on the positives: in January I will get to see Pete for a two week tropical vacation (I know what January in Fairbanks is like and trust me, this will be much needed), I will think of how incredible it will feel one year from now to be able to finally relax, not have my phone truly attached to my hip, take a big sigh of relief and know that we made it and have the best reunion ever. I will think about how we have been talking that summer of 2012 will be a good time to start a family (!!!) and I will think about how many wonderful things we have to look forward to.
But that is tomorrow. Today, I am just going to be sad.
Thank you for all the well wishes and support everyone has given to both Pete and I. We love you all.
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